Africa
Sunday lunch with mom and dad
The new Intern Class
Getting a new camera for Africa
Water World
Camping
Learning how to ride a motorcycle
Dirt biking
The up and coming snowboarding season
Spending time with Travis this weekend
A LITTLE HISTORY ABOUT WHITNEY… MOST PEOPLE KNOW THAT I WAS HOME SCHOOLED AS A CHILD BECAUSE OF GYMNASTICS AND TRAVELING A LOT. YES THIS WAS PART OF THE REASON BUT THE MAIN REASON WAS BECAUSE I HAD “A LEARNING DISABILITY AND DIDN’T LEARN LIKE THE REST OF THE CHILDREN.” THIS ALL STARTED IN THE 5TH GRADE AND LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT IT WOULD BE A HUGE IMPACT ON THE REST OF MY LIFE. MY MOM TOOK ME UNDER HER WING AS A TEACHER. SHE NEVER LET ME KNOW THAT I “DIDN’T LEARN LIKE THE OTHER CHILDREN” SHE JUST LET ME TAKE AS LONG AS I NEEDED ON A SUBJECT UN TILL I UNDERSTOOD. I STARTED TO FIGURE OUT THAT I HAD “SOMETHING WRONG” WITH ME WHEN I WAS PUT IN EYE THERAPY, HAD COUNTLESS TOOTERS, I WAS COUNTING ON MY FIGURES FOR MATH, AND LISTENED TO THE BIBLE AND BOOKS ON TAPE. MOM KEPT WORKING WITH ME JUST TELLING ME HOW SMART I WAS AND LETTING ME CRY ON HER LAP AFTER READING ONE PAGE OF A BOOK FOR 45 MIN.
LETS JUMP TO HIGH SCHOOL…
I WAS IN A HOME SCHOOL /HIGH SCHOOL, MOM STILL TAUGHT ME BUT WITH THE HELP OF OTHER PEOPLE.
FRESHMAN YEAR… BEING TOLD BY A TEACHER TO WRITE HER NOTES ON THE BOARD AS SHE TALKED. COULDN’T DO IT, I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL. KIDS NOW KNEW THE SECRET THAT I WAS SO BADLY TRYING TO HIDE AND NOW I WAS BEING TEASED.
SOPHOMORE YEAR… TEACHER COMING UP TO ME TELLING ME TO “STOP ACTING SO STUPID, I KNOW YOU CAN PASS THESE TESTS AND YOU ARE JUST WANTING ATTENTION.”
JUNIOR YEAR… TEACHER ASKS “WHITNEY WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?” “I WANT TO BE A CHILDREN’S WRITER” TEACHER SAYS “WELL YOU BETTER LEARN HOW TO READ AND WRITE THEN”. TOOK ALGEBRA ½ TWO TIMES BECAUSE THE SCHOOL FELT THAT I WASN’T READY TO MOVE ON EVEN THOUGH I PASSED WITH A B-
SENIOR YEAR…. I HAD THE CHOICE OF EITHER STAYING IN THIS HOME SCHOOL /HIGH SCHOOL OR GOING TO CREEK. IF I WENT TO CREEK I WOULD BE ABLE TO GRADUATE ON TIME. IF I STAYED AT THE SCHOOL FOR HOME SCHOOLERS I WOULD HAVE TO REPEAT MY SENIOR YEAR. SO I VENTURED TO CREEK. THERE I WAS RETESTED AND PUT INTO CLASSES THAT “TENDED TO MY NEEDS”. I HAD A PERSONAL NOTE TAKER, WAS TOLD BY TEACHERS THAT THEY “ARE SURPRISED THAT I HAVEN’T DROPPED OUT YET”, SAID THAT “I PROBABLY WONT MAKE IT TO COLLEGE”. TOOK THE “ACT” TEST TWO TIMES IN A ROOM BY MY SELF WITH A TEACHER WHO READ TO ME, AND ALL THE TIME I WANTED. MOM AND DAD HID BOTH MY ACT SCORES; I THOUGHT THAT THEY WERE NEVER MAILED TO OUR HOUSE. THEN I ENTERED INTO A READING CLASS THAT WAS THE BEST THING FOR ME. I WENT FROM A 6TH GRADE READING LEVEL TO A 12TH GRADE READING LEVEL. THIS TEACHER PUT HOPE INTO MY LIFE ALONG WITH MY PARENTS WHO NEVER GAVE UP ON ME. I ENDED UP GRADUATING AND MAKING IT INTO CSU AFTER TAKING THE TEST THREE TIMES TO GET IN.
NOW THAT YOU KNOW A BRIEF HISTORY OF MY LIFE, I TELL YOU ALL OF THIS NOT TO GET PITY OR HEAR THE SUNDAY SCHOOL ANSWERS THAT I ALREADY KNOW, BUT TO PRAY FOR ME. I THOUGHT THAT I HAD OVER COME THIS PHASE OF MY LIFE BUT I REALIZED THAT I JUST BARRI ED IT AND NEVER LET GOD HEAL THIS LIE THAT I AM STUPID. I HATE THIS. IT’S AS IF CHAINS ARE HOLDING ME DOWN AND ARE STOPPING ME FROM DOING WHAT GOD WANTS TO DO THROUGH ME. I STILL STRUGGLE WITH THE FACT THAT I DON’T SPELL WELL OR CAN UNDERSTAND SOMETHING THE FIRST TIME I HEAR IT. I KNOW GOD DOESN’T SEE THIS AS A FLAW BUT I DO. AND IT IS HINDERING ME FROM BEING REAL WITH OTHERS AND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. I DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO SEE ME FOR WHO I REALLY AM. AND I WAS TOLD BY AN AMAZING PASTOR THAT I NEED TO BE MORE REAL SO I CAN START TO HEAL AND TOUCH OTHERS.
SO HERE IS THE REAL RAW PART, I AM NOT HAPPY WITH MYSELF AND I HAVE BEEN WEARING A MASK TO HIDE IT ALL, I FEEL THAT I AM STUPID AND KNOW IT’S A LIE BUT NEED HELP FROM GOD, TRAVIS AND FRIENDS TO PRAY FOR ME. I HIDE BEHIND TRAVIS WISDOM AND ANOINTING THINKING THAT I AM NOT SMART ENOUGH TO SPEAK INTO PEOPLES LIVES.
I HATE THE DEVIL AND I HATE LIES!
Today I got 4 shots and my arms are really sore, but I am all shot up and ready to go to Africa! This is going to be the best summer ever.
Being Vulnerable is always hard for me… I’m going to try and give it a shot and break out of my box.
Here it goes…
I have been learning about myself a lot since Trav and I have got married. One of the biggest things I have learned is that I have a tendency to look at or see the negative in any situation. The hardest part about this is I can walk into a room and can pick out what is wrong or what should be changed in order for things run smoother weather that is with an organization, company, wedding, or what ever it may be I pick it apart and try to fix it in my head. My mind runs so fast its draining. The problem with this is I take it upon myself and berry myself into a hole because I get so frustrated when things aren’t changed when they should be. This is a burdensome process for me and I hate that I always see the negative. It’s not right. I was sitting in my car the other day talking to God, just crying because I am so tired of seeing things that need to be fixed and dwelling on the problem; I want to see the positive. I have this type of personality to where I’m not very mercy motive and tend to have no compassion for people most of the time; I think that this has some of what to do with it. Things are black and white to me. (This is scary you know… letting people see a glimpse inside of you.)
I’m trying to take what I see and give it back to God and pray for the situation, authority, or company instead of dwelling on it. Praying that my authorities see what I am seeing behind the scenes and that I trust them to do the right thing. Or if I am looking at it in the wrong way that God would bring light to my eyes and change my heart. There you go, a struggle Whitney deals with everyday! (Yes I just did talk about myself in third person)
Sunday was just fabulous! I got to join Firehouse Kidz with Kate and Dustin and it was superb, Kate and Dustin and the rest of the team that works with the kiddos are great! It was so much fun to step into a different department and watch how they run there section of the church, very organized, fun, energized, loving, Jesus environment. My favorite part was worship… To see these little ones lifting up there hands and singing there hearts out to the Lord was awesome to experience. Innocence! It just brought tears to my eyes to see such strong, loving faith in these small kids. Also to see some of our Catalyst youth volunteering, setting the example of Christ in there lives… AWESOME! Just love it, and was excited to see leadership taking place in our youth.
We can defiantly learn something from children… Child like faith, trust, joy, peace, kindness, love, and acceptance… the list goes on. It was truly a blessing and a learning experience for me!
Kate and Dustin,
You are amazing and do a phenomenal job. I’m sure it can be tough at times, but you don’t show it. God is truly using you guys in a mighty and special way, what an honor that God trusts you to help plant his seeds in the next generation.
I saw this picture and thought “Wow! That is exactly what teenagers do, they throw there heart at every person who might like them”.
Then I realized that is what we all do! How many times do we throw our heart at someone or something before really praying about it and hearing from the Lord? We think that if we just pour our heat into this person or whatever it may be for you, then God has to move because “I’m trying so hard”, when it may not even be God’s plan for you to get involved in that situation in the first place. And then we wonder why God isn’t moving stronger in that person, ourselves, job, church etc…
Guard your heart for it is the well spring of life.
We all know the verse.
When I was younger I thought that this verse only applied to relationships. Now as I grow up I’m finding that this verse applies to all things of this world. If we pour our heart into a church, person or whatever it may be, and God isn’t on the on the forefront of it all telling us what to say and do, then is our heart and actions really making a big impact for Christ or just a little one because its what we want to do, not what God wants us to do?
We just leaving our hearts wide open and we are getting hurt because we aren’t seeing the results we were hoping for.
I see so many times in my own life where God is on the side line trying to push me towards the right area for my heart to be involved in and if I were to do so I would be making an even bigger impact for Christ because I would be obedient and not be following what I thought was right, but following His will. (Am I making any since? Because my thoughts are all coming out like crazy just because of a picture.)
Last night Travis and I went for a walk in the drizzly rain (love the rain). It was a good walk but also character building walk. He pointed out something that I do a lot that is not good and I never saw it until he brought it to my attention. I know he was doing it out of love and he was so sweet and patient with me, I appreciate that but it still hurts. I felt so small and he had every right to be upset with me and yet he just hugged me and told me he loved me. I wish I could see these things before he did and then I could change it. I want to change in this area I really do it is just so hard. And it’s not fair to Travis if I were to keep this thing up.
Why is character change so hard and other areas are not?
